Proverbs 19 :14
House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD.

My wife has been wondering when and if she'll wind up in this blog. It's kind of weird knowing that she will probably read this. I didn't want to just post up the usual platitudes and B.S. that might be easy to say. Tonight as she and my son are sleeping in their beds, my thoughts turn to her and the peace that she has brought to my heart.What is peace of mind worth? What is trust worth? What is fidelity worth? More than anyone can ever know ever pay or ever plumb. This week coming up is my wife's 34’Th birthday. Laura is a woman that has been with me for about five years now. She has had to tolerate so much....the nutso lifestyle of a cop. The burden of being the breadwinner when I was down with three different back surgeries. Step-mom to another woman's child....and all the drama of constant contact with an ex can bring! I know that I couldn't have done it all, tolerated it all and on top of it, loved me through it all. Laura runs through my mind like a sweet cool stream through all the chaos if my mind. Somehow the thought of her keeps me calm no matter what tragedy seems to be breaking out at any given moment. Her constant love and tenderness is what has kept me so enthralled with her. I know she's always going to be there. I really thought that about my first wife as well, but underneath it all, I guess I always knew that she would be there always if: if I didn't stray away from the image that she had of me; if I didn't change from what she wanted me to be; if I didn't grow and stretch myself beyond what she could handle; if I never broke out of the mold that she had planned for me...it was those if's that are the natural evolution of a person over time. Over time I changed, and that just wasn't acceptable. It just goes to show that you never know what will happen in the future, but judging by all the things that Laura and I have been through in the past few years, I think that I can safely say that I have the room I need to grow, stretch, change, and just be true to myself and yet can be assured that when the day is over, she will still be on my side. We all need that someone to be for us, even when the world is against us. I can tell you this, I have certainly been there in the past year or so...when even the bottom looked up! When the old friends have disappeared, and phone calls stop...there are usually very few people left who are really to be all or nothing for you. I have been blessed to have Laura on my side.I guess all my life I've had some serious trust issues with women. From my mom, another long story, to bad relationships. Perhaps I've just always demanded too much and expected too much. Perhaps it's always been me, I really don't know. With Laura, everything has just been so real. No fairy tale crap, just everything open with normal expectations, tolerance for each other and the will to be committed even when things get ugly. I guess it all comes down to the saying that love is not a feeling, but an act of your will. Laura even went as far as to converting to Roman Catholicism to marry me in the Catholic Church. I never asked her to do this for me, she really wanted to, and that really floored me. At the end of the day for me, it's all about trust. Somehow I have that deep down bedrock of trust with Laura that I've never had with anyone before, and I think that I can always count on that to be there for me, whether I'm right or wrong. Some moments just simply cannot be replaced. I'm one of these guys who just doesn't sleep well, and never sleeps heavy. Often I wake in the night and just watch Laura sleeping and wonder how I ever deserved someone as honest, decent, and lovely as Laura. She sleeps the sleep of the just, and is one of the most honest and righteous people I have ever known. Here lately, I have been having dreams of me and my grandfather having conversations. I miss him so much, and he is always on my mind. My granddad and Laura have so much in common when it comes to integrity and decency. There is a simple realism there, a true blue honesty that you can feel...and that the world is starved for these days. I like to think that I have brought stability and constancy to my family, but really it's been Laura who has buoyed me through the many trials of these past few years.There really isn't any price one can pay for perfect peace of mind and trust. Sometimes I think that I am just rotten and selfish and worthless.....life can sometimes just beat a man down to the dust. How many times can a man stand up and look for the piece of industrial equipment that has just left its gigantic tire tracks across his back? I tell ya what, quite a few! But every time I have made it back up to my knees, I have found Laura was still there, and sometimes just being there is enough.